When I first came to Japan and started dating my wife (also gaijin, but who doesn't look Japanese), I often got this in reverse. The waitress would insist on using me as the "switching station" even though I had no idea what she was talking about, and even though my date was speaking directly to her...

You don't seem to be adjusting to this "minority" thing very well. Heh. Many foreigners in Japan do their own version of this when they, for example, ignore me and talk to the white friend standing next to me because they assume I'm not one of them, a native English speaker. But my friend could be French for all they know. Or when they ask me where I'm from, even after hearing my American accent...gah.

That's funny. I remember my brother saying that when he lived in Japan he used to go out with his Korean American girlfriend who spoke a lot less Japanese than him, and she'd always be the one on the talking seat because she looked Japanese. My brother, being white, but with the language skills, would be the invisible guy.

In Europe that would be explained as the waiter assuming that a) you were a tourist and not a long term resident and b) therefore unable to express yourself beyond very basic phrases, thereby slowing down the whole customer / restaurant interaction. French/Belgian waiters would explain their arrogance as a warped form of assistance.

I see this as an interesting challenge. Japan poses its own challenges in terms of similar assumptions due to your non-Asian physical make-up. In Europe I could indeed be a French speaker (despite my northern European characteristics).

It's a difficult one. Not sure how to tackle it. Perhaps you could hold both menus, forcing the waitress or waiter to address you. Other than that - skin transplant?

Pat, if you see it as an interesting challenge now, do you think it will still be an interesting challenge in the future?

To be honest Tom I've had this ever since holidaying in France as a kid (with an admittedly lower ability to converse in French) and it has not diminished over the last ten years, a period in which my French has become fluent.

I understand the majority of their motives behind the lack of acknowledgement of my language skills and can only aim to always be the person to "close" the conversation - in French of course. And I still find that an interesting challenge, yes.

If it's always interesting to you even still, you've got a much more positive approach to being viewed as an invisible mute than me. Or maybe you're just more socially wateroffaducksbackish in general?

Anyway, you look Belgian, so I don't see how they'd know!

Interesting that there doesn't seem to be a gender dimension to the "cultural exchanges". It used to drive Johanne crazy when we were in India that no matter whether it was in a restaurant, train, bus station, they would always look to me for any decisions to be made and dealings with money.

By the way Tom, I'm heading along this evening to listen to our friend Chomsky speak in the RDS. Brings back memories of how many years ago in UCD. Tickets are like gold dust. Interesting angle in that his passport was out of date and it looked like he wouldn't make his speaking engagements at all and Dermot Ahern, Minister for Foreign Affairs, stepped in and waived whatever bureaucratic wranglings would have prevented his arrival. Must be a first for Fianna Fail, encouraging debate and public policy scrutiny...

The gender thing is around as well, but race trumps it over here by a long distance.

I heard Chomsky's doing a one-hour interview with Dunphy too. Should be interesting to hear Chomsky's views on Roy Keane.